Photo: virginia



I got on the train at Holland Park. My friends got off at Oxford Circus. He got on at Tottenham Court Road. I looked at him. He looked back and stared for a few seconds and I stared back. He sat at one seat from me and turned towards me, I could not turn, I was too embarrassed, but why? I liked him and he looked back. My stop was the next one. What if I stay on the train. Why you want to stay on the train and miss your stop? Yeah, I'm being silly. But he is nice and he looked back. I could see his reflection in the window he was looking my direction. It's Holborn. Get off. I don't want to. Get off, don't be stupid. He will never chat you up, you will have to get off at some point and take a train back, it's late, you are tired. This is not a film. I got up and walked past him and I looked at him and he looked back and smiled at me. A resigned smile. I smiled back. Jeez. I want to stay or I want him to get off with me. I got off. The doors closed. I will never see him again. Never.
I still feel sad. I feel sad for something that has not happened.
Sad. For someone I have liked for a few seconds and who have liked me for a few seconds.
This is so irrational.
I got off. Now deal with this regret.

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